Early Childhood Part 2

One other episode that live with me from the same era due to a fiery domineering mother :-


We were having afternoon coffee and cake, that's my parents me, my brother and sister, they were real little, me being the eldest. My mother's finger got hurt, can't recall how, but all hell broke loose, and my dad, as always was to blame, him being the quiet passive person he always was, and keeping peace at all cost, left the house, as he use to do, walk away from it.
Why I will never know, but at the tender age I was, I went and checked behind  the kitchen door where he use to keep his rifle, it was not there. In tears I ran my little short legs of, looking for him in the bush,eventually found him under a tree. By then I were hysterical, I took the rile away, and just stayed there hugging him, for what felt like for ever.
A bond was formed between me and my dad, that will always be, and a rift between me and my mother. 




I dedicate this Blog  to my beautiful friend Robyn Simpson, who inspired me writing down my memories.:-

Early Childhood. Part 1

We all have them, the early years when we are formed into the adults we to become, those drastic events that stay with us from birth, till we close our eyes. I want to put some of those here and hope others can learn from it.


A very sad memory for me was when I was very young, before starting school, about five years old.
This go back in the early days when black people were still slaves. My mother was a very domineering person, and cruel.
She had a black maid at the time, who became pregnant and had the baby. This poor child was not aloud in the house, was kept out side in a shed, no protection from flies, so she end up with diarrhea, and death very quickly. Till this day I can still see her little face in front of me, something I could never forget, and left an emotional  scare that can never  heal.
I sat flat on the ground in the dust crying, when the little one was berried, it tore me apart, still do till this day.
That was one of a number of cruel events I witnessed as a child, that made and formed the adult I am today
I cannot say I was fond of my mother, never forgave here for what happened.

Shea in Paradise:)

Gosh first update in almost a year, really don't know where to start, haven't got nothing nice to say.
First it was a big mistake for me to come to Tasmania, its just not mainland at all, another well fare island, could be anywhere.
I found people very homophobic/transphobic, you will have acquittances not friends.

I am just so fortunate that I have some real supportive friends on the main land and Canada who made life worth living.
Would like to make changes in the new year if any way possible, fingers crossed, just can't stay here much longer

Last days in Brisbane

Well this is my last days here, bring such a lot of mixed feelings, not the way I wanted it to end, but it is out of my control. What ever family ties there were is getting severed in the last few days. Enough of that, a new life is waiting, and that is what I want to concentrate on, it is much more important to me, than to dwell on the past, nothing to gain in that. 

Start to a new year.

Well we are into the new year full of optimism  and goals, we hope to achieve. Christmas and new year pass uneventfully as usual. Queensland is having the worst floods in decades, roads cut every were, and north Queensland running short on food supplies, down to buy what you can get, not what you want.
My need to get away from here is getting more desperate by the day, just have to start fresh. I have now decided to change my name legally, will do so soon, as it's a major  intrical  part of my journey, I believe.
I have in all my years  never find my self in a position were I can't talk to people, simply because of my action, but then that is me, and it's not a position I ever  want to find my self in either, embarrassing to say the least.
I am now on the count down, four more weeks, and I will be out of Brisbane, leaving beautiful friends behind, but start a new life, some thing I so badly need, and meeting new friends, can't say how much I am seeing forward to that.  
Well have seen the worst flooding in Brisbane with numerous lives lost, and a massive repair bill mounting by the day. The rain won't leave us alone, it's the wet season up here, can expect a lot more.
My name change are now paid for, so it's just a formality, and a certificate. I am relieved and happy getting my life together, and even more complete.

The end of an era.

Today mark the end of an era, sharing my life with some one else for all these years. All tho I have been looking forward  to getting on with my life, it still hurt never the less, but I will get over the teary bit, and move forward. There were the memorable moments, with the kids growing up, that I will always cherish, it was not all bad. Now I have to move forward, and build a life of my own.
I am looking forward to the challenge with confidence, and a life time of experience, and support  from my dear friends, to numerous to even try to mention, invaluable, they are all wonderful and dear to me.  
Today I realized after all these years, that people can be quit different, to what you  have excepted them to be.
I except that I am a very changed person, in numerous ways for the better, and find it difficult to understand the drastic change in attitude, and lack of acceptance, from those closest  to me. 
I do appreciate and feel for my friends who went true similar experience's, but in the end it make us stronger, and more resilient, to deal with our lives in future.

The joys of Christmas..

We all seem to rush around, preparing for the festive season, the shopping centres is a constant push and shove, trying to grab some bargains. It almost slip our mind that there are so many, who will be only onlookers, the under privilege, and those who are defending these senseless wars, started by the war mongers of this world. With the massive push, for freedom of speech, and transparent Government, due to Wikki Leaks, and a big shift already in quite a number of countries, we will soon see a very changed world, for the better. Hope fully we will have a better out come for the under privileged.   
We desperately need it in this country, ea the stolen generation, and the way the family law courts are still operating, tearing families apart.   Then we still stuck with sexual discrimination, that needs to be fixed from the top, if society in general have come to terms with it , then Government  have some catching up to do.